The Danger of Comparison

There’s danger in comparison.

For weeks I’ve pondered this idea. I’ve thought about the words I would write, the verses I would use, and the advice I would give to you about this simple concept that can be so difficult to grasp. For weeks I’ve focused on all that I wanted to say to you, when I’m the one that’s needed to hear it the most. 

For many of us, the battle is between our ears. We entertain thoughts that cause us to think of ourselves as less than and we compare our lives, our accomplishments, and our relationships to those around us. We stand on the battleground of our mind ready to fight, but we do so with a measuring stick instead of the sword of the Spirit. 

One of the most well known stories in the Bible, the story of Cain and Abel, not only tells a story of envy, jealousy, and resentment, but reminds us of the consequence of falling into the comparison trap. Cain, the firstborn of Adam and Eve, shook his fist at God in frustration when he began comparing his efforts to his younger brother. He envied Abel and blamed God for not giving him what he thought he wanted and needed, which led to his own destruction and separation from God. (Genesis 4:1-16)

Do you find yourself falling into the same trap of envy, jealousy, and comparison? 

“I wish I looked like her.”

“Their relationship is so much better than mine.”

“I wish I had someone love me like that.”

“They’re so much farther in life than I am.”

“I’ll never be able to do that.”

“If only I had ____ like ____.”

Many of us go through life letting these thoughts inhabit our mind, not fully understanding the weight they truly carry. The problem with letting these thoughts camp where they don’t belong is that through them we begin to define ourselves. Rather than reminding ourselves we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we live at the mercy of our insecurities and believe because we’re not ‘them’ or don’t have that, we’ll never be enough. 

Living a life of comparison, as Paul said, is living without understanding. (2 Corinthians 10:12) When we choose to let our insecurities, envy, and resentment take hold and define who we are, we dishonor our Heavenly Father by our self-pity. When we fix our eyes on ourselves and what we do or don’t have, we can easily lose sight of God and of others. Celebrating our friends and their victories will become more difficult because our attention will be soaked up with jealousy, and our harmony with those around us will be swept away by thoughts and negative feelings. 

Friend, you are His chosen treasure (1 Peter 2:9) and He wants to use you just the way you are. He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) His love for you is so great, that He sent His Son to die and give Himself for you. (Galatians 2:20) Who are we to question who the Creator of the universe has made us to be? 

The fact of the matter is, we will ever be enough. We’re flawed creatures in need of a Savior, and if we are going to compare, we must compare ourselves properly. Not against one another, but toward Christlike imitation and fear of God. 

With love, Miranda 

The Gift of Singleness

There’s always that one person who can’t keep a gift a secret. In my family, I’m that person. (In my defense, I only hint around at what I got someone and make them try to guess, but apparently that still keeps me out of the loop when it comes to surprises for others.) Despite my ability to keep something to myself, I still love the process of gift-giving. Spending hours shopping for the perfect gift and finally finding it fills me with joy because I know the person receiving it is going to feel thought of, loved, and cared for when they open it. As much as I love giving gifts, I struggle accepting them, especially when it’s something I didn’t ask for. 

Throughout my life I’ve only ever viewed my singleness as a trial to be endured, never a gift that was so graciously given to me. Being 22 and living every one of those years single has led me to believe things about myself and my relationship status that hurt me more than they helped me. I allowed society, my past, and all of my mistakes to define my life, and in turn “single” became more than just a relationship status, it became the title of a long list of labels I carried around everywhere I went. 

No one will ever love you for you. 

You’re not good enough.

You’ve made too many mistakes in your past.

No one will ever love you like that.

Nothing’s ever worked out before, why would it now?

Maybe you’ve heard the same whispers in your ears or maybe you’ve been told different ones, but they all have one thing in common: they’re lies from the enemy meant to limit our lives, distort our perspectives, and ruin our relationships. He knows where it hurts, and the more we think these things about ourselves and our singleness, the bigger foothold we give the enemy and the more he’ll push our open wounds. 

Although there are days we may feel disappointed and frustrated because of our relationship status, it’s vital to remember our season of singleness is a gift from our Heavenly Father, not a trial meant to rip us apart. For many of us, this is only a season in our life. A time in which we can choose to fully devote ourselves to the Lord and not be anxious by the demands of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:32) A season that gives us undistracted freedom to please Him, know Him, and find our purpose in Him. You see, who you are in your singleness doesn’t disappear when you enter a marriage. Knowing who you are in Christ and finding your identity in Him is the only foundation that will remain. You are complete because of Him, not because of someone else.

Just as it’s important to have the right perspective, knowing that Jesus calls our season of singleness a gift shows the true intentions of the Giver. (Matthew 19:11-12) He isn’t withholding your spouse just because He can, rather He’s working all things together for your good, His glory, and on His time. Rest in the promise that if He’s given you the desire in your heart to be married, He will fulfill that desire if you delight yourself in Him. (Psalm 37:4) You are loved, seen, chosen and made complete by the One who gave His life to save you. Fight for your identity because it rests in Him and Him alone, and cast out any thought or fear that tells you otherwise. Your season of singleness is a gift given by the ultimate Giver, and every good and perfect gift is from above. (James 1:17)

With love,

Miranda