How to Approach Conflict with Grace

Christians and Conflict: How to Approach Confrontation with Grace 

The old adage says “In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes”.  It can be argued, though, that there’s a third, just as certain issue: conflict.  

It’s one constant that will perpetuate itself throughout our lives and if we don’t learn how to deal with it (and well), we will go through life disturbed and unhappy.  

So what should we, as apprentices of Christ, do when we disagree with others?  

Whether the other party is a fellow Christian or not, there are ways to approach conflict.  Before we get into the how, let’s look at the why… 

The WHY

No one wants to have that conversation; it’s awkward.  Most of the time, both parties walk away feeling defeated and deflated.  Confrontation is an intimidating process so why would we subject ourselves to it?  

Generally, conflict happens when we’ve been wronged or when our ideas encounter friction with another’s.  And usually, we store up the hurt or anger until we become bitter towards another person.  When we do this, we allow a wall to be built between us and others but more importantly, it blocks our fellowship with God. 

1 John 4:20 “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” 

If for no other reason than to be able to continue communion with Christ, we also engage in tough conversations to make each other better.  

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  

When you sharpen a knife, you don’t bang another piece of metal against it.  You go along with the other metal to shave away anything that doesn’t belong.  By walking with each other, challenging our brothers and sisters to remove those things that keep us from growing, we are making the body of Christ more holy.  

As Christians, we don’t simply accept our brothers and sisters as they are. We love them, but we don’t let them stay in sin or continue destructive behaviors.  

The kid at the drive through accepts you for who you are; you won’t get a lecture alongside a quarter pounder.  

A good coach or mentor doesn’t tell you how wonderful you are all the time - their job is to make you better, to disagree with you, not keep you just as you are.  

We do the same to grow the body of Christ and increase our sanctification.  

The why can be summed up in one sentence: we speak the truth in love so that we can grow together.  

Encouragement During Chaotic Times

It seems that over the last few years and especially in the last few weeks, our culture is at a new low when it comes to civility, kindness, and love.  It’s almost enough to make even the bravest of evangelistic souls retreat into their homes, draw the blinds, and wash their hands of their fellow man.  

In tumultuous times like these, the weight of this world can feel heavy.  But God tells us in John 16:33 “...take heart!  For I have overcome the world.”  

He overcame it then and in His omnipresent glory, He continues to conquer it now.  

Our country has seen a new health pandemic with dire economic consequences and now, we are also seeing a cultural pandemic.  Along with stressful times, we often see the worst side of people.  In the flurry of Facebook comments, Twitter wars, and ‘cancel culture’, it can make us feel like the human race is running in all different directions.  

Proverbs 15 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  It can be tempting to return fire with fire, to interject our opinions into the heated fray but rather than fight on an Earthly plane, fight with truth, wisdom, and love.  

It is not people, things, or worldly institutions that give us hope… It is the everlasting, immutable grace given to us by Jesus Christ.  Wherever we go (in person or online), we are representatives of God.  Let our words be seasoned with salt, let our hearts long to give love to all His creation, and let our minds be set on things above for  “...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”