Learning to just be held

Doubt- to be uncertain about (something): to believe that (something) may not be true or is unlikely. : to have no confidence in (someone or something) doubt.” 

If you’re anything like me, you could fill in a million things that go along with that definition. I doubt myself; at times, I have little to no confidence in others, and as hard as it can be to admit, I often question God’s plan for me. I talked to my sister last year about how hard it can be to trust other people and feel confident that others’ have a genuine desire to get to know me and how lonely that doubt can make me feel. She proceeded to tell me that Jesus is the only one who will ever truly know me, understand me, and never disappoint me. It seems so simple, but when I’m spiraling with self-doubt, intrusive thoughts, and just pure disappointment, sadly, my first response isn’t to acknowledge that I have a savior that knows me, loves me, and will never disappoint or leave me. As young adults, I’d like to think doubt is familiar for everyone. During this season of life, with all the decisions I’ve made regarding college, who to date, the jobs I’ve taken, and the friends to choose, I’ve found that the only thing that helps me is reminding myself that the only tangible thing in this life is our relationship with God. Remembering that no matter how much I doubt or fear failure, the best thing I can do is bring those concerns to the Lord and sit in His presence. I’m still learning, but the more I practice it, the more I learn to trust that even if every person I meet on this side of heaven disappoints me,  if I fail every test in college and never graduate, or whatever catastrophe I conjure comes to pass, that I can always find peace by sitting with the one who loves me more than anybody ever could. It’s a pretty great feeling to know that you can find all the rest and peace of mind in the arms of Jesus, and all we have to do is call out to Him. 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So if you struggle with doubt or anxiety, I encourage you the same way I have to remind myself daily to lean into His presence and just be held by the peace that only He can provide.

Dancing in the Rain

Looking back at the year we had, how well would you say you handled the change and the uncertainty that struck our nation? I can say with confidence that I did not take it well. I was angry, sad, and frustrated with how my plans disappeared, and life changed within just a few weeks.

 Over a year later, how would you say you feel now? I still can’t say I‘m elated that my mission trip to Nicaragua was canceled or ecstatic that I was sent home from college; however, I can say that amid the difficulty, the Lord continued to fill me with joy.

Walking through the chaos that broke out, I was confused (as most were), and I didn’t know what was to come. Now that I look back, I have a new perspective. At first, I was bitter, now I am thankful. I was hurt, now I am healed. I was sad and lonely, now I am joyous and filled with peace. I had to learn that it isn’t about changing the circumstances (especially those out of our control); it is simply about learning to dance in the rain. 

It is inevitable that circumstances will arise in our lifetimes that we do not like and cannot change. We can either choose to be upset about it, or we can learn to find beauty in it. It may rain outside when we were planning on sunshine, but in the end, the attitudes we have about it are up to us. We could stay inside all day, staring out the window, wishing we could be outside, or we could get up, get out, and go dance in the rain. 

Psalm 16:11 says, “You (God) make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

In His presence, there is fullness of joy. He renews us and fills us with peace as we battle through the difficulties life throws at us. He is the beauty throughout our hard days. He is the reason we dance and sing.

Our joy should not be dependent on the condition of the world or the events happening around us. Our joy comes from the Lord and can be found when we trust in Him and live by His word. He sees what we cannot, and He knows what is to come before we ever walk through it. 

No matter the sunshine or the rain, I want to encourage you to find joy throughout the day. Some days are especially hard, and everything seems to go wrong. Even then, it is important to find the beauty and the light in each day. We have to hold onto the Lord’s word and His goodness through the joy and the pain. As Nahum 1:7 says, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows who takes refuge in Him.”